Ranking Fast Food Burgers–Bless Your Rank

Ranking Fast Food Burgers–Bless Your Rank


– Welcome to Bless Your Rank,
my name is Matt, buckle up, because today, we are
ranking fast food burgers. Actually, don’t drive and
watch Bless Your Rank. Don’t do that. Burger time! (upbeat bluegrass banjo music) All right, here are the criteria
for today’s Bless Your Rank on fast food burgers. Number one, taste. ‘Cause it’s a taste-test ranking, how else do you judge these things? Crazy people. Number two, messiness, but in a good way. A good burger should be a little messy. It’s gonna get dirty. Number three, juiciness. I want a good, juicy hamburger
patty, no dry patties here. Also, to be clear, some
of you might be asking, how did y’all pick these burgers? Which ones did you decide to use? What we did, is we picked
the number one burger at each fast food restaurant. And by that, I mean, it’s
the burger that comes on their number one combo meal. ‘Cause that’s probably their
number one burger, right? That would make sense. Put your best number one, maybe? I don’t know, maybe. But then not really. ‘Cause if it’s like a baseball lineup, probably wanna put your best
hitter in the four spot. So one is your fastest? So maybe this is the burger that will run the fastest through me? You have seven competitors, today? Seven burgers? I have no idea who’s gonna win this thing. I’ve got some favorites in the mix, but anything could happen today. And that’s the magic, and the
beauty of Bless Your Rank. Let’s get started. Contestant number one is Burger King. Or BK, as the kids say. Right, is that what the kids say? Kids probably aren’t goin’ to Burger King. When I go to my local Burger King, I don’t see anyone else there. I see one worker, and
they do not look happy. Whoa, what’s goin’ on here? Why is this dude creepin’ on me? On the back of the Burger King bag? I have, there’s nothing. It’s just a bun. There is somethin’ in here, right? Yeah, there it is, there it is. All right, first look at
this burger, mayonnaise. And lots of it. Lettuce is trying. It’s like ketchup made an
appearance at this burger, and then left. Pretty thick cut pieces of pickle. I’m not a fan of pickles,
but I’m eating these burgers just as we order them. I’m takin’ one for the team, here. I’m just gonna cry
myself to sleep tonight. That’s all, no big deal. Nothin’ y’all have to worry about. You’re just watchin’ YouTube videos. You don’t even care about me. (laughs) Here we go. That’s a good burger. I forget how good Whoppers are. The meat itself tastes great. Suspiciously good. Overall, this is a good burger. It’s gonna be messy,
and that’s a good thing. If you try to eat one of
these things and drive, you should pay for it
with a stain on your shirt for the rest of the day. Right now, in this moment,
I can say Burger King is in first place. So don’t get cocky,
creepy man, staring at me through the blinds of
my living room window. This thing is going to murder
me in my sleep tonight. Unbelievable. If you’re from Burger King corporate, don’t stop the video yet, this won’t last. Competitor number two is, Whataburger! What a burger. The orange and white
bag just makes me happy. It just fills me with happiness. This was wrapped with love. They wrapped this better than
I wrap Christmas presents. In the words of Sir
Mix-a-Lot, that’s a bun, hun. Floppy old lettuce. Let’s take a look at the inside, here. This is gonna be a good burger. Also, I don’t quite know,
I don’t know what that is. Should I eat it, too? Is it a snail? Probably call a health inspector. But, for the purposes of filming,
I’m just gonna keep going. Here we go. I’ll make sure I didn’t get the side that the booger snail touched. Man, there’s somethin’
about just the meat on this, is just cooked, like just right. There’s just somethin’ about Whataburger that’s just so good. I don’t know if I’m
just wired differently, ’cause I’ve heard some people say they just don’t care for it. And I don’t remember those people’s names, ’cause I just shut ’em
out of my life completely. But it’s so good. They know how to make a good burger. They don’t go crazy,
we’re really good at this, we’re gonna knock it out
of the park every time. That’s what Whataburger
does, God bless ’em. And I think that this is, without a doubt, burger number one, right now. Whataburger has not paid me a dime. Unless they’d like to
give me free Whataburger. In which case, slide into
those DMs, Whataburger. I can be bought. Move over Burger King. This is yours. Competitor number three is, (humming) Hardee’s. You thought I was gonna
say McDonald’s, didn’t you? The ole classic fake-out. Hardee’s doesn’t even
have a slogan, do they? – [Director] They’re
just like, “We’re here.” – Hardee’s! You cannot eat a burger
out of a box and drive. Hardee’s is like yeah, try it and die. If you don’t know what a
Hardee’s is, it’s a Carl’s Jr. This thing looks like me after walkin’ up three flights of stairs. It is glistening. One sad piece of cheese. Maybe a dozen small pieces of onion, givin’ off some serious onion stank. How much are y’all chargin; the Paw-Paws that are comin’ to eat
breakfast at y’alls place? That made a thud. The more I look at this, the more it looks like a gas station
microwavable cheeseburger. Here we go. This is the driest
hamburger patty I’ve had since like high school
lunch in the cafeteria. This is sad. This sweaty bun is a
really good hamburger bun. But this burger is straight trash. I don’t know if it’s Hardee, I don’t know if it’s Carl Junior. But one of ’em should
be in jail right now. Probably both. All right, this was sad. Now I’m sad. You are in absolute last place. And I don’t know if
that’s gonna change today. It might, but it’s not looking
good for you right now. Let’s just jump right into it. Burger number four is Krystal’s. This bag is heavy. There are fries in here. Who got the fries? That’s not part of it. Is it, did you have fries? Did you eat ’em? Beep, beep, beep. Beep. (explosion rumbles) Sound effects by me. Special effects by me. Burger by Krystal’s. I have a confession to make. I love these little things. Do I regret it after eating them? Oh, absolutely. That’s the point. These are little gut bombs. You wanna experience a cleanse? Four Krystal burgers will clean you out, but I do love these little things. Here we go. There’s just something about it. This should not be good. It’s like a warm hug from
a really sweaty friend. Long sweaty hug from a friend
you don’t like, Krystal’s. Also, don’t trust anyone who doesn’t with their empty Krystal boxes, try to stack them or fat people Tetris. How about Krystal boxes can
I fit into one Krystal box? That’s my favorite game to play. Some of you will say Krystal’s is good, but White Castle’s better. Stop talking, I’ve had White Castle. It’s just the same as Krystal. This can only come out
one way, and that’s okay. Krystal burger, where does it rank? Okay, I’m gonna get so much hate for this. Those of you that have never had Krystal’s or had it once or twice, you won’t get it. And I don’t expect you to. And frankly, I just feel sorry for you. There are probably so many diseases now that we won’t ever catch ’cause we’ve been raised
on Krystal burgers. And for that reason,
Krystal is number two. Competitor number five is McDonald’s. I really did it this time. I wasn’t gonna fake you out. And we’re going with the Big Mac. Also in a box. So the Big Mac is not
usually my to-go burger. As a kid, I didn’t like this ’cause I didn’t like the special sauce, but then something happened. I got older, maybe my
taste buds finally came in. Burger itself, again,
with the shredded lettuce. Fast food restaurants of the world, stop with the shredded lettuce. Stop it, no one likes it. No one likes it. Give us lettuce sheets. Lettuce sheets, lettuce sheets. Here we go, looking
for a spot to go in at. This looks pretty good. This looks saucy. A little soggy, a little soggy bun. This is weird. It’s okay. Having it with everything else today, I just don’t feel like it’s that great. It’s definitely not better than a lot of the things sittin’ up here. Except for that thing from
Hardee’s, the mud burger. Whatever that is. Nah, I’m not feeling it. Definitely not Whataburger-level good. It’s adequate, and that’s what McDonald’s
thrives on, adequacy. Yeah, we got food. You got some money? Also is the special sauce
thousand dressing or not? If you know what the
McDonald’s special sauce is, comment below. But know that you may be
giving out the secret recipe. And that means that Ronald
McDonald will hunt you down, and he will find you. Where does it rank? I don’t think that it’s
better than Burger King. I think the Big Mac is
currently in fourth place. All right, competitor number six? Six, is Wendy’s. People say they have a
good chicken sandwich. I heard one person say they
have really good salads. Why, why go to fast food
place and get a salad? This smells like a swimming pool. That’s weird. This thing is ready to go. Ooh, also shiny. This bun’s been sweatin’. Look at that. (gasps) A single piece
of lettuce, unbelievable. Oh no, that’s a bad piece of tomato. All right, Wendy’s, do your worst. I don’t have high hopes for this. There was a time in my life where I thought Wendy’s
had the best burgers. I do like, they put cheese on the bottom and top of the burger on the meat. That is an interesting strategy. All right. That’s all I could say about it is just a shoulder shrug. And a meh. It’s not that great. I do appreciate that they do
a single piece of lettuce, but there’s nothing on here that I think is superior to any of the
other burgers that we’ve had. And I wanna be very careful
about I say about Wendy’s because Wendy here has got a
very spicy Twitter account. I’m terrified of Wendy. I don’t crave Wendy’s anymore. Well, okay, I take that back. I love the frosty. I love dipping Wendy
fries into the frosty. Wendy’s burger? Definitely not in the top three. It is very close to McDonald’s. If I had to take another
bite of these two, which one would I wanna
take another bite of? That’s probably gonna be McDonald’s. So Wendy’s is currently in fifth place. Don’t send this to the Twitter account. Contestant number seven. Seven, seven. Contestant number seven is… Ooh, sorry, I probably just ruined that. My gosh, this is the CVS
of fast food restaurants. Unnecessarily long. You only ordered one burger. Oh my gosh, the cheese is everywhere. You wait till I talk to Michelle, the manager at Sonic about this. This is like nacho cheese. This is like ballpark cheese. This is like, oh no, we’re out of cheese. I think they’re playing a game down at the little league field. Run over to the concession stand and just put this burger
under the cheese dispenser. Underneath the lid here, we’ve got pickles, way too
many chopped-up onions. Smelling this? It’s not pretty. Oh, this is a disaster. Onions everywhere, lettuce everywhere. Burger patty suspiciously perfectly round. Here we go. I taste lamb. This burger tastes like a lamb. This is Greek-fest leftovers right here. I mean, I wouldn’t mind the lamb burger, but you should tell me ahead of time. I mean, it’s not bad. What is dripping off of that? I feel like that is probably toxic. I don’t like this. I don’t like it happening to me. I don’t want it to happen to anybody else. I don’t know what happened here today. This is sad. Well, I think that there’s
only one thing lrfy for us to do. This is Matt Mitchell. I’m eating a cheeseburger that I ordered at your restaurant earlier today. I’m actually filming a video right now about ranking burgers. It did not do very, there was cheese. The cheese melted and became a sauce. And the burger tastes
a little bit like lamb. – [Sonic Worker] Lamb? – Yeah, lamb. The burger is probably
gonna be ranked sixth out of seventh today. Behind Wendy’s but ahead of Hardee’s. Yeah, it’s not good. We are all about integrity
here at Bless Your Rank. I have to say that Sonic
is number six out of seven. Lessons learned today, fast food burgers, when they’re good, they
are a fantastic burger. Solid lineup. One through three, really good burgers. Then here at the bottom,
terrible things happened. I know that these restaurants
are capable of better, but that’s how things
work on Bless Your Rank. I’m ranking you on what I get today. And this is what I got today. And that means that right now, number one, best fast food burger in the game is Whataburger. Congratulations, you’ve earned it. And if you’re the Chicago
firm that bought them out, don’t ruin this. Now I’m gonna eat a Krystal kabob. This is good idea. They should do that. A whole skewer of Krystal burgers. – [Crew Member] Yeah, there’s like four.

About the Author: Garret Beatty

100 Comments

  1. Totally doing a Krystal cleanse tonight in Woodstock, GA! I love BLESS YOUR RANK! I LOVE MATT! He is hilarious every time!!! <3

  2. The rule for White Castle growing up was: the worse the neighborhood the better the burgers. If you’re not going to a White Castle with bars on the windows, you’re not getting good White Castle

  3. Hardee’s is different from Carl’s Jr. somehow. Hardee’s food is absolutely trash and Carl’s Jr. is pretty good

  4. Remember when McD had great fries?  Crispy, perfectly cooked, with ketchup a mean in itself.  Alas, no longer . . .

  5. Every Sonic burger that I've gotten looked like the picture and it is the best fast food that there is. I have no idea why the one he got was so terrible, that's just odd.

  6. Krystal is a sad, sad imitation of White Castle – they're not even close to the same. In fact, Krystal fakes you out by looking so much like White Castle, even copying the boxes, and then you take a bite and are instantly disappointed.

  7. You think people don't know which food they like? Your opinion is meaningless…but at least your keeping busy… meaninglessly. Is this what a Bachelor of Arts looks like?

  8. Mat your correct that Whataburger is the best tasting of all the burgers you have reviewed. . But your criteria ranked the Hardees burger which should be rated second in the listing. The Hardee's was ranked so low because it was the only one in your list compared without out the salad on it. That was unfair as you compared apples to oranges. Had you selected to compare any of the Hardee's burgers with lettuce, tomatoes etc, you would found it out to be at least #2 on your list. Love your evaluations as you are hilarious.

  9. Krystal doesn't even have a burger, it's a slider. So in my book, Burger King is #2 and Krystal shouldn't have even been included on this list.

  10. How about the Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuit from all the main fast food places, since that's one thing I think they pretty much all have in common and there is a huge difference in pretty much all of them.

  11. You forgot Milo’s which I understand isn’t available anywhere but Alabama however they are the best fast food burgers!!

  12. If you want a great burger get a whataburger and tell them to put mayo on it and no ketchup or mustard that takes it to the next level of awesome

  13. People who aren't Southerners don't understand what a good burger is. Whataburger's quality is quite frankly in it's name.

  14. Is there no Rally's/Checkers where you are? I've HEARD of Whataburger, but never seen one, but I have all the others around me somewhere. Except for Krystal, and I have eaten there in Georgia. The only Hardee's I've ever eaten at (or found locally) was in the lobby of a hospital. Take from that what you will.

  15. my favorite Krystal game is digging out the melted cheese with my bare hands because they always put it halfway off the burger.

  16. I don't know what that was from Hardee's but the Carl's Jr #1 combo is the Famous Star, which is comparable to the Whopper

  17. McDonald should be 7. Period, they suck nearly every single time. Wendy's needs eaten straight away. Whataburger is absolutely king. Burger king is meh, and the flavor is all that saves it.

  18. "Y'all don't even care about me"

    Me: AYE. Don't you start spouting bullshit, you know we only come to bless your rank for you. ❤

  19. I’m wonder what your thoughts on Backyard Burger, Dairy Queen, Dixie Queen, Steak n Shake, Jack in the Box, In & Out, Shake Shack, and Five Guy’s would be.

  20. I hated the Big Mac for as long as I can remember, and then I quit smoking for 6 years and for some reason I absolutely loved the Big Mac…then I went back to smoking and I've tried Big Macs twice since and I hate them again…it was the weirdest food related discovery I've ever had…

  21. If that was a snail then you should know that snails is actually one of the most dangerous killers in nature. 200,000 yearly.

  22. I like Krystal but I feel you should have put Checkers/Rallys in there instead of it. Just for the sake of comparitability (I can make up words too).

  23. It is worrisome how inconsistent the same burger is each time I order it at the drive in window. The latest is stale lettuce that has wilted and turned grey. When I go to the competing burger franchise across the street, the food is stale and cold. I try not to eat fast good today.

  24. I asked a McD's employee what the special sauce is and she wouldnt tell me, it's clearly Thousand Island Dressing.

  25. Never had Whataburger, but all the others are not good burgers. Have to try in and out, shake shack, steak and shake, Culver's.

  26. i am a southern vegetarian, and i have always said that if i hear that krystal is closing i will go gorge on some krystals lol

  27. Hell Yeah!!! I was screaming Whataburger from the beginning!!!! Wendy's is always my second choice and I've been doing "Frosty Fries" for 20 years. Even dip thier spicy chicken nuggets in that wonderful chocolate frosty. Awesome "bless your rank". Keep em coming.

  28. Hardee's used to be good, they were known around here for the fried chicken. But Carl's Jr slowly converted them to no longer do fried chicken.

  29. Because I had Gestational Diabetes while pregnant with my Oldest Son, I was on a VERY Restricted Diet.
    I kid y’all not, the MINUTE I gave Birth to that boy, I had a Double WHATABURGER w/FF & a Chocolate Shake WAITING!!!! I started Eating while my legs were still in the Stirrups!
    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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